


The Alchemy of Acceptance

by Mercator



Category: Fullmetal Alchemist: Brotherhood & Manga
Genre: Brotherhood, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Love Confessions, Post-Canon, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-06-06
Updated: 2017-06-07
Packaged: 2018-11-09 21:56:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 6,431
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11113665
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mercator/pseuds/Mercator
Summary: Less than 6 months after the Promised Day Al has a revelation that shocks Ed to his core. But life goes on for the Elric Brothers and Winry. Now that the fight of their life is over how will they navigate daily life and adulthood? My version of events after the Promised Day. Mostly canon to the manga with a couple changes here and there.*This fic was moved over from a different platform*





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I wanted to stay true to the canon with this fic but I did make some changes/take some royalties with certain details. I really wanted Ed to keep his alchemy so I worked out a way for that to happen that really doesn't alter the manga/brotherhood plot very much.
> 
> Also, this work was brought over from another platform with a slight title change. I've decided that I want to keep all of my fics in one place and I really like Archive's setup so I've moved some things over. I wanted to put this out there though in case anyone comes across this fic somewhere else. Just know that it's not stolen, simply published in two locations. :)
> 
> Finally, for a while I've been playing around with the idea of adding a smut chapter. I know exactly where it will go and what the contents will be, but I'm not sure whether it will add or detract from the story. Let me know what you think.

"Brother, I think I love Winry."

The words cut through the silence and turned the blood in Ed's veins to ice. Time seemed to pause and he thought he could hear the sound of his heart beating slowly in his ears.

He had noticed the signs lately but had ignored what his eyes and ears told him was more than simple fondness. Still, he never thought he'd hear those words aloud.

Seven months had passed since the Promised Day. To Ed it seemed like only yesterday that Hoenheim had drawn the human transmutation circle and vanished into thin air, only to be replaced with Al moments later, once again whole in body, mind, and spirit. Although Ed had been more than ready and willing to give up his alchemy in return for Al, Hoenheim, with his failing body, had desperately wanted to make this last sacrifice for his sons. Now with his final sacrifice, Ed found he was finally able to forgive his father for the years of abandonment and neglect. His brother alive and whole was the best gift Hoenheim could give them.

Ed had spent the next month in the hospital with Al, doing what he could to strengthen and nourish his brother's atrophied body. After gaining weight, some muscle, and extensive physical therapy, Al was discharged a month later. Colonel Mustang had granted them both six months of leave to rest, recover, and celebrate. They had both returned triumphantly to Resembool where Winry had cried her tears of joy at seeing them. It had been the happiest day of Ed's life.

The months had passed by, leisurely and idyllic. Winry and Pinako were always cooking with a goal of getting Al up to normal weight. Al was more than happy to oblige and spent breakfast, lunch, and dinner working his way through the list of thing he had planned to eat when his body was returned to him. Summer was just beginning so they spent a lot of time outdoors. Ed and Al sparred and did some light training. Sometimes they just sat under a tree and read alchemy books. Often they used their alchemy to help Winry build her new automail shop next door to Pinako's house. It shouldn't have been a lengthy project, but as the consummate perfectionist in anything related to automail, Winry kept changing the design to 'better suit her needs'. Ed was pretty sure she just liked ordering them around. And although he put up quite a front about how much it annoyed him, he enjoyed helping Winry much more than he'd like to admit.

They had been at Resembool for three months when Al decided he wanted to take the state alchemy exam.

"I want to make a difference, Brother. Even though you always complained about it, I never truly felt like you were a dog of the military. I think we did a lot of good together and we could do even more if we were both State Alchemists."

Al's sincerity had been convincing, so for the next three months he helped Al study. Since Ed had taken the test before he tried to be as helpful as possible, remembering all the questions that had been asked of him. Of course, the exam the Al would take would not be identical to the one Ed had taken, surely the questions would be similar. They also worked on their alchemy throughout the Resembool countryside, repairing bridges, building giant columns of rock, doing anything possible to increase Al's skill. As late summer slid slowly into fall, Al finally reached a normal weight and was even gaining some substantial muscle.

It was a cool, windy afternoon and Ed and Al were in their room in Pinako's house. It was only two weeks before the exam which coincidentally coincided with the end of their leave from the military. Al had seemed distracted all morning. They had helped Winry hang up clothes to dry on the clothesline when Winry teasingly threw a wet shirt at Al's face. Al caught it and laughed. Winry gave him a bright smile to which Al blushed a very furious crimson and looked away. Since then he had been quiet and strangely reserved towards Winry for the rest of the morning.

Now, as Ed and Al sat studying together Al had broken a half an hour's worth of silence with his shocking statement. The silence had only been lengthening as Ed worked desperately to master his emotions.

Finally, along with a skeptical grin, he forced out a reply that felt like a betrayal, "Winry eh? Jeez Al, what could you possibly see in her?"

"You don't really mean that Ed." Al's golden eyes were round with disbelief. "I mean, I'm sure you feel the same way about her that I use to, that she was like our sister. But ever since I got my body back I've begun to feel…..differently."

Ed did not want to hear any more. He was doing his best to cover his panic and continued to use sarcasm as, in this situation, it was the only weapon available to him. "Oh yeah, I can see that. You get your body back and want to take it for a test drive."

"Brother, I'm serious." Al's eyes were pleading. "I've never felt this way about anyone before. I look at her and my chest feels tight and my stomach knots. I can't control my blushing whenever she smiles at me and sometimes my hands shake when she's nearby. Is that love, Ed?"

"Aw Al, how should I know?" But with a pleading look from his brother, Ed gave a deep sigh and elaborated. "Love is wanting to spend all your time with someone just to make them laugh and see them smile. It's knowing that if only you could make them completely happy then it would be enough for you to be happy…..is that how you feel for Winry?" Ed ended his statement, feeling deeply self-conscious. Wouldn't Al wonder how he knew what it was like to be in love?

"I'm not sure, but I think it must be." Al looked thoughtfully down at the floor and began unconsciously tracing the lines of the floorboards with his finger. "When I think of her I do have an intense desire for her to be happy. And when she smiles and laughs my chest gets really warm and it's all I can do not to kiss her."

The dread that Ed felt coming on at the start of this conversation had finally been fully recognised. His brother loved Winry. Oh god, how could this happen? But then Ed, thinking of Winry, wondered if it was even possible to have avoided it. Winry was wonderful, and all three of them were incredibly close. They'd been through a lot over the years and there were several situations he could think of that would foster more than brotherly affection. He really shouldn't have been surprised.

Ed regarded Al seriously, doing his best to mask his storming emotions. "And…...and do you think she feels the same way?"

"Oh, I have no idea. I certainly hope so." Al replied, gazing towards the window with a dreamy look in his eye. Suddenly alert, he turned towards Ed, "I think I need to tell her how I feel, just get it all out and tell her everything. Before we leave."

There was another pause. "That soon, huh?"

"Yes. We'll be at Central or traveling for some time, and I don't think I can wait."

"Well, that's your prerogative then. I hope it goes well and I wish you the best of luck." Ed smiled and tried really hard to mean it. He stood up, brushing off his pants. "You keep hard at studying Al, I could use some exercise."

"Are you sure you don't want me to come?"

"No, no, the exam is in two weeks and you've got work to do. But next time." He left the room to Al looking back towards the window with that dreamy look on his face.

Feeling miserable and completely disagreeable Ed ran into Winry in the kitchen as he was heading outside. She made eye contact and smiled, stopping him in his tracks. He was always forgetting how blue her eyes were, and how when she smiled they seemed to grow larger in size rather than smaller and crinkled like most people's eyes. Having just come in from the shop for a late lunch she was wearing her standard mechanics outfit today with the cropped black tank top, coveralls knotted at the waist and a red handkerchief as a headband. Her stomach was flat and firm and her chest gently strained against the black tank. God dammit, this was horrible. Trying to put mind over matter he did his best to fight his body's reactions.

Although Winry didn't seem to mind, Ed realized that he was staring. He quickly dropped his eyes and attempted to project an air of indifference as he strode past her, only managing to come off as defensive.

"What's up with you, Ed?" Winry asked, brows furrowed in confusion as he headed towards the door. Ed didn't respond but managed not to slam the door on his way out.

"What's his problem?" Pinako asked from the living room.

Winry frowned. "I have no idea."


	2. Chapter 2

A week and a half later Winry was preparing dinner. She could occasionally get Ed and Al to help, but for the most part she enjoyed the quiet structure of preparing a recipe from scratch. Cooking and baking were a lot like making automail. Once the design, or recipe was created, putting the correct components together and using the right measurements would result in something completely different from the sum of its parts. In the situation of automail, something functional and essential would be created and in the case of cooking something nourishing and delicious. She also found it relaxing and delighted in the precision required by both. Small differences in amounts or parts might result in bad flavors or loss of functionality, and all components, big or small, were important in their own way.

Winry did some of her best thinking when she cooked. If it was a recipe she was very familiar with she would allow her body do the work while letting her mind wander, like she did today. As she washed vegetables in the sink she spotted Ed and Al through the kitchen window. They were sparring outside in the yard. The sun had just started to set and the orange glow seemed to make their blonde hair even brighter. It looked like Al was winning, but she had a feeling that Ed was letting him. Ever since Al had gotten his normal body back he'd had to adjust his skills in combat and found that his new size and strength were substantially different from what he'd been use to as a large suit of armor. In the suit he had beaten Ed on every occasion. Now, although the brothers seemed of equal skill, Winry had suspicions that Ed was allowing his younger brother to have the upper hand in order to boost his confidence. Isn't that just like Ed? She sighed.

The fight ended with a roundhouse to Ed's obliques. He flew sideways to the ground and threw up his hand in defeat, laughing and clutching his ribs. Winry smiled as Al offered his arm to his brother, pulling him up off the ground. She couldn't hear their words but they chatted for a bit, with one or the other occasionally doing a play-by-play of the action. Al happened to look in her direction and noticed her watching. He smiled broadly and waved, a faint blush spreading over his features. She happily waved back only to notice Ed looking away as if he hadn't seen her. He had his hands in his pockets and was absentmindedly kicking at a rock. Jeez, what was up with that guy lately? she thought. She turned away from the window and accidentally slammed a pan down onto the counter.

It had been wonderful to have them both back, a little strange, but wonderful. In some ways, Al in his original body was like living with a stranger. Practically overnight he had changed from a little boy to a man. Even his voice was slightly deeper. Maturity-wise Winry thought he must have matured naturally, like Ed had (hah, Ed mature, yeah right), but to suddenly have his suit of armor replaced with flesh and blood after so many years was slightly unnerving. His tall and lithe frame were part of who he was now. But she had made a real effort to feel comfortable with him again, trying to spend a lot of time with both brothers, and now after 6 months truly felt like he was the Alphonse she'd always known.

It had been different with Ed though. The changes in him had been so gradual that she'd barely noticed them until they were fully manifested. Two years ago she could swear that she towered over him. Last year she remembered an argument when they were eye-to-eye. But now it was he who looked down on her from a height of 5'11". Ed had once hypothesized that he was somehow remotely nourishing Al's body while it waited for its owner's soul at the gate. Winry assumed that with Al's return Ed was once again eating for one and finally able to grow properly. But maybe it was just natural male adulthood since it was before Al got his body back that Ed's shoulders had slowly broadened and his arms had thickened with muscle as his baby fat fell away. She shivered suddenly and headed into the living room for a heavier shirt she'd left on the couch.

Her feelings for Ed had grown in the same way his height had, gradually and almost unnoticed. She really couldn't pinpoint the exact day where she started loving him. She could, however, vividly remember the day that she admitted it to herself. It was that day on the train, when he promised her the next time she cried it would be tears of joy. He had looked so determined, so earnest, so set on making sure she was happy. And he had been successful, they both had.

Winry had hoped that during their six month visit she would have an opportunity to tell Ed how she felt. Although she wasn't certain he returned her feelings, she had high hopes that it would be the case. Was it all in her head or was she right that the looks he sometimes gave her contained more than brotherly affection? On one occasion she'd even caught him staring at her from the doorway of the shop while she worked. She had no idea how long he'd been standing there and he jumped a bit when she noticed him. The opportunity to tell him her feelings had never come up though. More honestly, she was just never brave enough to seize it. It seemed like Ed and Al were together all the time, although that was understandable, and the few times she'd been alone with Ed they'd been interrupted or she couldn't get the words out. The last time it happened she had started to say,"Ed I think I love you." but changed it to, "Ed I think I lo-left something on the stove!" only to dash inside to "check" for a phantom pot.

These thoughts were uncomfortable and she shook her head like a dog shaking off water. It would happen at some point, there was no rush, right? I mean, surely she'd tell him soon. Or maybe, if she kept waiting he'd even tell her…..

Her thoughts were interrupted by Al and Ed's entry into the house where Ed demanded to know when dinner would be ready.

"It would be ready a lot sooner if I'd had your help." Winry looked at them both accusingly.

"I would love to help you next time!" Al responded. Winry smiled, Al was definitely the nicer brother.

Ed said nothing but started to set the table. Pinako came downstairs and they all began to carry in plates of food from the kitchen. Dinner was fun and full of good conversation, as it usually was. There was always a lot of talk about alchemy and automail, and establishing Winry's new shop.

But was it Winry's imagination or was Ed avoiding making eye contact with her. He wouldn't look at her when she spoke to him and when forced to reply to her questions quickly flicked his eyes towards her and then back to his plate. This kind of behavior had been going on for days now, maybe even a week. He seemed to be interacting with Pinako and Al normally though, so maybe she was just imagining it in regards to herself. Ugh, get a grip Rockbell, she internally lectured.

"Wow, that's your fourth helping Al! You better watch it or you'll start getting fat." Ed's teasing cut through Winry's thoughts.

"I am only trying to nourish my once starving body." Al responded with dignity.

"Well you're not starving anymore." said Pinako, "And I actually agree with Ed that you should slow it down. Two servings is more than enough for anyone not to mention four."

Al lowered his fork and sighed. "You're right. It's just that since I've gotten my body back, eating has been such a pleasure. It's hard for me to stop."

Winry patted his hand, "I say enjoy it while you can Al! Don't listen to them."

To Winry's surprise Al blushed a deep scarlet and stammered out a "T-thanks Winry."

Ed dropped his fork and abruptly excused himself to use the restroom. Jeez, Winry thought, whatever's going on it's catching.


	3. Chapter 3

It was the final day of Ed and Al's time in Resembool. Tomorrow morning they would board the train to Central. Once there, Al would take the State Alchemist Exam and they would both find out their next assignment. Al sat nervously in the living room, waiting for Winry to come back in from the shop. She'd had a very busy day with several customers and had ended up working through dinner. She called to tell them she was sorry for missing dinner on their last night, but would make it up to them with a farewell breakfast that included waffles and strawberries.

If Al was going to tell her it was going to be now or never. Or at least not for several months, so now was preferable. It was 11pm and he wondered how much longer she'd be working. He tried with difficulty to control the reactions his nerves were wreaking on his body but couldn't help tapping his foot impatiently. He loved having his body back, loved touching different surfaces and textures, savoring flavors as they crossed his tongue, and generally feeling at home in his skin. However, he had to admit that some of the sensations were overwhelming. The first time he'd stepped into a hot bath after getting his body back he felt something akin to shock. The feeling of warmth and moisture completely enveloping his legs was so new and unfamiliar that he'd just stood in place for five minutes trying to process it. He'd finally sunk down, laying on his back and let the sensation flood his entire body. It had been wonderful but also overpowering. He knew that this wasn't a normal reaction to getting into a bath and it concerned him. Fortunately, over the past six months his body had become more accustomed to the feeling, and bathing ceased to have the same effect. Still, there were times when he was surprised by random sensations, his body's odd reactions to seemingly simple stimuli. Al figured that he would just have to deal with some unpredictability as his soul continued to get reacquainted with his body.

Time continued to tick slowly by. Al got up and began to pace. He had been planning what he would say for days now. He just wasn't sure it would sound right. Earlier in the evening he had asked Ed if he could run it by him to get his opinion.

"I really don't think I can help you, Al." Ed looked uncharacteristically grim. "I've never done this before and have literally as much experience with it as you do."

"Please brother. I'm really nervous and I'm afraid I'm going to say the wrong thing. I know it's not something you're familiar with but I would love your honest opinion."

"Fine. Go ahead."

Al took a deep breath. "Winry. We've known each other our whole lives. I know you better than I know almost anyone else. You've always been there for me and my brother, always taking care of us, and generally acting like the sister we've never had. But lately I've come to feel more for you than that. I love you, Winry. I hope that you feel the same way."

There was a pause and Ed absently scratched at the bridge of his nose.

"Honestly, I think it sounds a little rehearsed. Just tell her what you've been feeling. Be honest and straightforward and I'm sure….I'm sure she'll be happy to hear it."

Al sighed and ran his fingers through his hair, "You're right of course. Thank you. I guess I'll just say what I feel in the moment." He gave his brother a nervous smile. Ed would truly always be there for him.

"Look Al, I'm not feeling very well. I think I'm going to head to bed early. But, I know you're going to do just fine." Ed squeezed his brother's shoulder and gave him what he hoped was a reassuring look.

"Are you sure you're ok?" Al had noticed dark circles under Ed's eyes and that his good humor had seemed to disintegrate as the day wore on.

Ed was already heading up the stairs. "Yeah, definitely. I'll be fine. G'night and good luck, Al."

Pinako had gone to bed two hours ago by the time Al finally heard Winry's steps on the front porch. He noticed that she looked weary, but satisfied. She had some streaks of grease across her arms and one on her cheek that streaked across her nose.

"Al, what are you still doing up?" Winry looked surprised but happy to see him. She walked over and plopped herself down on the couch next to him with a tired sigh and closed her eyes.

Al sat up straighter, his body responding to her proximity and his heart pounding. "I, I just wanted to get a chance to talk to you alone before we leave tomorrow."

"Oh?" She opened one eye to look at him.

"How was the shop today?" He asked, stalling for time.

"Oh it was great! I started on a new design for a leg that I'm pretty excited about. I also finished and outfitted two arms and a hand. There have been so many new customers that I think I might need to hire some help soon. If only I could convince Paninya to move up here." She did her best to stifle a yawn.

"Wow that would be great, I haven't seen Paninya in a long time." There was a pause and then Al continued. "Winry, do you know you have grease streaks all over you?" He started to fish out his handkerchief.

"Jeez, I guess I'm kind of a mess." Winry admitted, stretching her arms out in front of her for inspection.

"Here, you have a streak on your face too." Al moved in closer and gently wiped at the black mark, sliding the handkerchief from the bridge of her nose onto her cheek, just below her eye.

"Thanks so much, Al." Winry laughed. "You know, sometimes I feel like I'm always taking care of the two of you, but you take care of me a lot too."

Al was having trouble preventing his hand from shaking and her face was just so close to his. He was always forgetting just how blue her eyes were. Before he could stop himself he blurted out, "Winry, I love you!"

Horrified at his own bluntness he drew back and looked straight down at the couch, but not before seeing the shock plastered across Winry's face.

"I, I'm really sorry. I didn't mean it to come out like that at all." Al took a deep breath, still looking down at the couch. "It's true though. You've always been important to me Winry and you've only become more important as we've gotten older. Ever since I got my body back I've come to realize how much I've grown to love you. I want to make you happy." He plunged ahead towards the final question. "I hope I can be the person to do that. Do you want me to be?"

It was only now that he chanced to look up, his heart hammering against his ribs, hoping against all hope to see her smile. But Winry hadn't moved. The look on her face was far from inscrutable. It was just as shocked as before, likely its expression hadn't even changed.

"I, I need a moment or two to process this." Winry finally stammered. She looked down at her hands, then up at Al, and then quickly back down at her hands.

Every second felt like agony to Al. He did the best he could to control his breathing and tried to be patient.

Finally Winry raised her head to look at him. "I'm, I'm truly stunned Al. I honestly had no idea. I'm not quite sure what to say."

This gave Al hope. Winry hadn't known his feelings, but maybe now that she did she could discover some within herself and grow to love him.

"You're so important to me, Al. Everyday I'm so happy to have you in my life. But, I can't…...I just can't return your feelings. You're like a dear, dear brother, and I can't foresee that ever changing."

And with that final statement all of Al's hopes and his dreams for a future with her seemed to be sucked into a void that had formed in the center of his chest. It physically pained him.

He swallowed and looked away. "Right, I understand…...thank you for your honesty."

"I'm, I'm truly very sorry." Winry's eyes had begun to swim and Al could tell she was doing her best to keep tears at bay.

"I don't think I can stay here tonight, Winry. I'll sleep at the train station and take the early morning train tomorrow." He stood up, doing his best to mentally contain and minimize his pain. "Please tell Ed that I'll see him in Central."

"No, wait Al! You can stay here tonight! Please don't go!" But by the time she finished Al was already out the door.

Winry stared at the now empty space for several moments, trying to gather her thoughts and pull together some semblance of composure. She had already been feeling exhausted, but now she felt utterly wretched. In a million years she had never wanted to hurt Al.

Suddenly she became aware of a presence behind her. She spun around to find Ed watching her with a dark grimace.

"What the hell did you do that for?" He was rigidly leaning against the doorway to the living room with his arms crossed.

"Ed, I-"

"He's the best man I know and you've gone and broken his heart."

Winry bristled, "Ed, I was just being honest. And as it was I think I let him down pretty gently. Regardless, it was still a shock to even hear him say-"

"Oh I'm sure you're SO shocked that he could have developed feelings for you, Winry," Ed's glare was irate, his voice full of disbelief. "I'm sure there's no way you noticed his infatuated stares or blatant flirting in the past six months either."

Winry had never seen Ed like this. She should have expected it though. Anytime something involved his brother his emotions ran high. She could tell he was mad, but there was also a look in his eye that she couldn't decipher. Panic maybe. Or desperation?

"Ed, I don't know what to say! I do love Al, but he's like a brother to me. Anything else would be….strange."

"Would it really be that strange?" Ed demanded. "I'm sure you would love him in the end. He would give you everything. Winry, he's…..he's crazy about you! He just wants to make you happy, and all you've done is tear him down!"

Winry was mad now in the way that only Ed ever seemed to elicit. She stormed up to him, fists clenched at her sides. "I have the right to choose who I love Ed! Believe me, I know how great Al is, I know he's kind and wonderful and caring and smart. But I don't love him, not like he wants me to. And that's the end of it!"

He didn't respond, he only stood over her looking furious. They glared at each other until her body fully realized his proximity. She looked into his face, so close to hers, his eyes although currently fierce, were still the beautiful pools of molten gold she had always admired. The muscles in his shoulders and arms stood out in his tank, tight with tension. She blushed faintly and stepped back, turning away.

"I don't want to fight with you about this, Ed. In fact, I'd like to be alone right now."

Ed, straightened and took a breath. He looked at her again with that same, indecipherable look. She thought it was anger, hurt, and despair all in one piercing stare. "I think I'll catch up with Al at the train station." And he was gone.

Winry collapsed into the nearest chair and rested her head in her hands. She knew that Ed and Al were incredibly close, but she hadn't thought that turning Al down would have this kind of effect on Ed. In fact, she had hoped for an entirely different reaction. For him to be relieved, maybe. For him to look at her the way that Al had. For him to want her for himself instead of for his brother. Instead she was shocked by his utter resentment of her for turning Al down. He must truly not have any feelings for her. The thought made her chest feel tight.

And Al, poor Al, how must he be feeling? Winry had noticed that he had been acting strangely in the past six months, a lot of blushing and smiles, some cryptic conversation. But she'd chalked it up to him getting his body back and the understandable adjustments that likely came with it. The last thing she wanted to do was hurt Al, sweet, sensitive Al. She owed him her honesty, though. Sadly, Winry realized that her relationship with the Elric brothers would probably never be the same. Suddenly she felt weary.

She took a deep breath and tried to rally. This was stupid. It was silly. She shouldn't be worrying about these......boys, really. She had her new shop to think about, and there was so much work to be done. After everything she'd learned and experienced in Rush Valley she was now considered one of the best automail mechanics in the region, and was well on her way to becoming an authority in the field. That was what was important, those were her dreams. And they didn't need to include the Elric brothers, right? She, she didn't need either of them. Especially Ed. Especially now that she knew…..

And even though she'd promised herself she'd never cry over them again she let the tears flow, cursing Ed at the same time as she mourned what would never come to pass between them.


	4. Chapter 4

It was a 30 minute walk from the Rockbell house to the Resembool train station. There was no moon and it was very dark, but Ed didn't mind. The darkness suited his mood and he knew the way by heart.

For the first ten minutes his anger and frustration seemed to simmer away just under the surface of his skin. He clenched his fists and tried to think of other things but just couldn't stop replaying the scene with Winry over and over in his head. By the third replay he started to calm down. By the fourth replay he could admit that he definitely hadn't been at his best in that moment. And by the fifth replay he decided that he'd been an huge asshole. Ugh, how had things gotten this messed up?

He remembered back to when they returned to Resembool after the Promised Day. At that point six months of leave had seemed like such a long time. He didn't feel rushed to tell Winry his feelings and knew that he'd definitely do it before they left again. But it had been way harder than he thought. The three of them spent so much time together that he and Winry were rarely alone. The few times they were alone they were always interrupted or there were just stretches of silence that he couldn't force himself to break. Three weeks ago the perfect opportunity had come and he'd finally worked up the courage to speak, only for Winry to realize she'd left a pot on the stove and dash off to the kitchen. That was only a couple of days before Al's revelation had shocked Ed to his very core.

The days after he'd learned of Al's feelings had been especially rough. Fortunately, he was a master at hiding his emotions, usually behind a shield of sarcasm and insolence. He thought it was ironic, but his lack of emotional transparency was probably why he'd had so much trouble confessing to Winry. It had been for the best though. Ed couldn't even imagine how his brother would feel knowing they loved the same woman. And he wouldn't dare try and imagine how Al would feel if Winry could return Ed's love. Hah. Those cards were definitely off the table now. Ed could read between the lines. Hadn't Winry made it obvious that she wanted nothing to do with either of them romantically?

Ed felt badly that he had exploded at her like that. He had been irrational and unfair but in the moment he just couldn't stop himself. Two nights after learning that Al loved Winry he'd laid in his bed, wide-awake and feeling awful. It was already clear to him that pursuing Winry was now out of the question, but it hurt to let her go. After tossing and turning for an hour Ed came to a surprising realization. If he couldn't be with Winry then certainly Winry and Al together was the next best thing. Al would love her almost as much as Ed himself would have. He would take great care of her and she of him. The more Ed thought about it the more certain he'd become that this was the best path to get over Winry. Although it would take sacrifice on his part, in a neat and tidy package he could ensure the love and happiness of the two people he loved the most.

The days following Ed's new resolution had been better, but were still challenging. As he suspected, he couldn't just turn his feelings for Winry off. Interacting with her was still painful and Ed adjusted by simply avoiding her. It was especially hard when they were all together with Winry and Al happily interacting. Every time it hurt though, Ed would remind himself of how happy they would be together and the pain would slightly ease, although never fully abate.

Earlier that night it hadn't been his intention to eavesdrop on Winry and Al's conversation. But after tossing and turning for what seemed like hours he left his bed to linger out of sight on the stairs. He told himself he would wait for their talk to be over so he could congratulate them both. The fury he felt after hearing Winry turn Al down felt unreal. His precious plan laid in ruins, and as a result he'd lost it. Of course Winry was an independent being with her own agency, but he had gambled on her loving Al, because who wouldn't love Al? Now he understood that he had deluded himself into thinking Winry would love Al because it had been an easy and less painful alternative to knowing he couldn't be with her himself.

Frustrated, Ed kicked a rock, then picked up another rock and threw it. Stupid, stupid, stupid.

Every time she had mentioned Al being like a brother to her it had felt like a stab wound indicating her own brotherly feelings towards Ed. The pain had just made him more irrational. But it was obvious now that he'd been a dick, a really big one too. Of course she was entitled to love who she wanted. Of course she was entitled to every happiness. He just needed to let go of the fact that it wasn't going to be with him, or his brother. God. Weren't they the pair? The Elric brothers in love. We don't half ass anything, do we? Ed thought, dryly.

It would be hard, but now it was time to move on, especially so he could be there for Al. He looked out into the dark sky, seeing the faint outline of the trees against the horizon and the sprinkle of stars above them. He thought of Winry's smile, her fierceness, her determination, and her absolute dedication to those things and people who she loved the most. Finally, he thought about what it would have been like to have a first and last kiss. Then out loud, but quietly into the night, Ed whispered, "Winry, I love you...Goodbye."

With that final parting he trudged closer to the train station. He could see it now, gently illuminated by the glow of several lampposts and could just make out the figure of Al slumped on a bench, looking up at the sky.

Al must have heard his approach, because without moving he asked, "Do you think it always hurt this much, brother?"

Taking a seat next to him on the bench, it was one of the few times Ed lied to his brother. "I wouldn't know Al, but I sure hope not."


End file.
